Actually, 5 reasons to date a girl in recovery from an eating disorder

A horrific article has been circulating around my facebook newsfeed like wildfire in the last two days. It basically gives reasons to date a girl with an active eating disorder. I'm not going to repeat the mean spirited quotations here, I believe they have been documented enough in the last few days. If you need to read it, google it. 

Instead, I'd like to change the spirit and write reasons to date a girl in recovery from an eating disorder. I realize this is at the risk of further stigmatizing those with eating disorders. I write mostly about women, even though I know many men are struggling as well. But I'd like to take a second and highlight why my recovery makes me unique, why everything I've been through makes me who I am today. 

1. "She's adventurous as hell." In recovery, you are encouraged to take on several challenges a day. This requires you to be the most courageous you will ever have to be, and it carries into other aspects of your life. Remember that day you burned your skinny jeans? The day you smashed your scale? The day you ate a whole bagel? That took everything you had in you, and it carries into every other aspect of your life. I'll climb every mountain, I'll say yes to every experience, because I remember how brave I am and what I have overcome. 

2. "She has a deep appreciation for life." We've been hospitalized for malnutrition, felt our bodies eating away at themselves, and come back with a passion for life, and buzzing with an energy we never knew existed. We are a force to be reckoned with. We appreciate our bodies deeply for their continued functioning, even with all we've put them through. When we stand on top of mountains, or write papers for classes, or get hired for jobs, it's more significant than just the simple task at hand. It has a whole other meaning because there was a time when none of this was possible. 

3. "She has been through tons of therapy and desires functional relationships" The group therapy, the family therapy, the DBT skills therapy. She knows how to recognise emotions and process them healthily She knows how to voice her opinion and her emotions, functionally. She recognises passive aggression and will not stand for it. She practices self-care and knows how to set good boundaries for herself. 

4. "She is unbelievably creative" To keep an addiction, like an eating disorder, hidden for years we have to be extremely creative. To recover, we have to learn how to positively channel that creativity. We have to come up with creative ways to battle self-destructive thoughts, create new pathways in our brains, creatively break years of bad habits, and years of negative self talk. 

5. OH YEAH... "She loves and accepts her body!" How unique in our society, to accept one's natural body weight and not be constantly dieting. She has a radical acceptance of the size of her natural body weight and stopped fighting it when she entered recovery. She is confident, and wears clothes that fit and flatter her body. She feels powerful in her body, is not obsessive about dieting, and uses her abundant energy in other more important aspects of her life. 

The girl who has fought an eating disorder is brave, confident, creative, sets good boundaries, and has a deep appreciation for being alive. This is why my recovery makes me a unique, strong, passionate individual. Take it, Return of Kings.