"I'm so bad about journaling" I hear it as often as I hear, "Sorry, I'm really bad with names."
My immediate response is, "you cannot be 'bad about journaling'. Journaling is not something you are good or bad about, it is an act of self-care that can become an irreplaceable part of your mental health, and healing, journey.
For me, journaling has become my way to not only sort out my thoughts, but have it guide me along my healing journey. It is my way to define my emotions and witness them outside of the whirlwind in my head. The times when I am writing are moments (many moments, many times a day) that I claim for myself and my mental health, because I know I will feel even a little bit more grounded, a little more level, a bit more calm when I put down my pen.
I go to my journal when I am feeling the positive, "good" feelings. I record my experiences, and as my pen colors the page, my emotions are solidified in words, letters, reality, definition.
I go to my journal when I am feeling the emotions that are threatening to bring me to my knees and never get off of the floor again. I pick up my pen and watch my internal life take on an external shape- one that is more manageable outside of my head.
I find myself defining and validating my emotions through my writing. My emotions, my internal life is real, I give it shape when I write it down. I go to my journal as a support system, a place to sketch, a place to sort it all out. It is a self perpetuating cycle, the more I write, the more I find that I need it to keep my head straight, to keep myself grounded.
I don't remember what life was like before journaling. Every thought I have, swirling in my mind, causing anxiety and overwhelm. Often, after journaling, I find that whatever I was worked-up about, upset about, is not as daunting and oppressive as I was making it out to be. It gives me a chance to see the emotions as big as they are, feel them, articulate them, and write down the story that is causing the emotion. Once the story is written down, on paper, I am able to see a bigger picture and allow myself to move on from the story that I was telling myself about this emotion. Instead of ruminating, I can move on, because I wrote the story. It's done.
If you that want to journal, or think you might benefit from journaling (which I think is everyone), I've put together some tips to help get you started.
1) REMEMBER THAT NO ONE IS GOING TO READ YOUR JOURNAL- possibly not even you.
I never re-read my journals. I have stacks of them, but I have never re-read them. I'm sure there is some benefit to re-reading and witnessing my growth over the years BUT the point I'm making right now is that when journaling, it is important to remind yourself that no one is going to read it. It doesn't have to be logical, it doesn't have to make sense, it can be out of order, and not proofread. NO ONE IS GOING TO READ IT, it is not about re-reading, or creating a work of literature, it is about writing to sort through thoughts in the moment.
2) HAVE JOURNALS EVERYWHERE
I have journals in my bedroom, my living room, my kitchen, my car, my backpack. This may seem like overkill, but many people think they are "bad about journaling" because they don't dedicate a certain amount of time to it each day. Journaling doesn't have to be about a rigid schedule of writing for 15 minutes every night before bed or every morning before work. That kind of schedule doesn't work for everyone. It doesn't allow for emotions & thoughts as they surface. The rigidity of a schedule doesn't allow for a free flow process, so when we sit down to write- boom, we have writers block. Some of my journals have scrap paper stuffed in them from times when I couldn't reach a journal. I call these, "scrap paper thoughts".
Remember that journaling doesn't have to be an ordeal. Having pens and paper (journals, notebooks) everywhere, easily accessible, lends itself to the freedom of processing in the moment. Allowing ourselves to write down our emotions in the moment is what it is all about; whether it's a random happy thought or a story that we keep telling ourselves that is keeping us stuck in the emotion, we get it out on paper to either reference later, or move on.
3) WRITE AN OBSERVATION
If you're having trouble getting started, write an observation- that sign is yellow, my feet are cold, I am hungry, I love the smell of this candle.
To me, it's similar to when someone asks us casually, "How are you?" Our response is usually a casually delivered, "good". And that's as far as the conversation goes. But if someone asked, "What's going on with you today?" And you responded with "I love the smell of this candle," it might lend itself to further conversation- maybe the candle smells like your grandma's house when you were a kid. Maybe then you have a story to tell about going to Grandma's. Maybe something happened today that reminded you of those stories or those smells. And the writing, the journaling, can continue from there.
If your journal were to ask you, "How are you?" And you respond honestly, this is where we begin to glean the benefits of journaling.
My journals are a chaotic splatter-paint of observations, including, "There's a raven on that telephone pole." "I hear the wind in the trees." And once I've engaged, and dropped all judgement of my words, the writing takes on a life of it's own.
4) "RIGHT NOW..."
Start a sentence with, "Right now, I'm feeling _____. " The importance of it being right now, acknowledges that the feelings are not permanent and allows your brain to accept that you will not feel this way forever. This is extremely important when we are digging into deep, scary, big emotions. We can allow ourselves to go deep, to go dark, knowing that this is how I feel right now, and I will not feel this way forever. By writing, "Right now..." it gives us room to explore the emotion through our writing, our words, with the reassurance that they emotion will not last forever.
5) EMBRACE CHAOS
Write out of order, jump from topic to topic, do not worry about proof reading or it making any sense. Remember Step #1: no one is reading this, possibly not even you, so embrace chaos. The point is not to make sense or be presentable, but the process of writing itself. And the healing that inevitably follows.
If the chaos and the lack of structure is difficult for you, try separating thoughts with a page break- drawing a line between each 'section'. Leave yourself enough space to go back and add to this section if you desire. Sometimes my thoughts and 'sections' are pages long, sometimes they are one or two sentences. Frequently I have writing in the tabs, arrows, sideways lettering. It looks like a thought pattern, like the inside of my brain. Embrace the chaos.
6) GET CURIOUS
Frequently in my journaling, I write an emotion and then dig deep into why I feel this way. It could be linked to my history, the current situation, my attachment type, or simply my personality. But whenever I am feeling a strong emotion, I get curious and document my deep dive and my curiosity. Sometimes I even write out, "Why do I feel ______ right now?" Dig deep in your journaling, practice asking yourself questions. This takes time and repetition, but it is worth it. After awhile, it translates from journaling and from the paper into everyday life. Because we've trained ourselves on paper to be curious about our emotions, they no longer rule us in high stakes situations. Instead of reacting, we get curious.
7) SKETCH
If you can't think the word or can't articulate the feeling, try sketching- even stick figures, emojis, question marks, swirlies, maybe a tree. Again it's about the process of the emotion leaving your brain through your pen and onto the paper. Sometimes, just getting started with a little nonsense ink on the page can break up a writers block.
A few years ago, I was so upset with someone, so mad, that all I could do was draw a thick, hard line down the middle of the page. I had pressed so hard that it ripped through a few pages. It helped me see my anger and frustration, and gave me a few pages that I could dedicate to exploring my anger.
8) WRITE OUT SOUNDS
Imagine that you have no words to communicate with and all you can write is, "AUGHHHHHHHH!!"
Do it. Write out the sounds, the curses, the guttural groans. Here are some examples:
"FUUUCCCKKK"
"GAH!"
"GRRRR!!"
Start with that and see if it leads to words, and if not, that's fine too.
9) LET GO
Journaling is about the process, not the product. Journaling is about getting in touch with your inner life, your thoughts, your experiences, defining them, and then letting them inform your healing journey. Let go of judgment. Let go of the notion, "I shouldn't feel this way." Your feelings are facts, document them. Use words to articulate your inner experience, it is your experience, no one else's. Allow journaling to open the communication line to your emotional self. Remember, your feelings are valid and real. Exploring them is a crucial piece of a healing journey.
If you are new to journaling, I hope this helps. Feel free to take whatever helps and disregard what doesn't seem like it applies to you. Start by having paper and pens (whether it's an official journal or not) and just begin writing. Let me know how it goes in the comments below and keep healing.
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