How It Affects Us

I've been reading many articles about Miley Cyrus' performance at the VMA's. I'm sure we all have. These articles have explained in beautiful detail how her performance was racist, progressive for bisexuality, a "grinding declaration of her adulthood".

I'd like to voice my own opinion on the performance without slut-shaming, without the usual "oh, how sad, look what sweet little Hannah Montana has turned into," but expressing what I experienced while watching videos of the performance.

I don't have television, I didn't see the VMA's live, so when the cyberspace exploded on Monday about this performance I started doing research, watching videos (I had to confirm my age several times to watch the performance), reading articles, and, as a feminist, here's what I have to say:

What do performances like Miley Cyrus' at the VMA's mean for the rest of us? First of all, I had to "urban dictionary" the term 'twerking' as it was in most headlines. Miley threw this move into her choreography many times in her performance. The shock value of this performance was frighteningly high, as I feel it is for most things in our culture currently. I feel like people are banking more and more on shock value to get attention. Everything has to have shock value or it goes unnoticed.

We can claim we are immune, that these acts don't affect us. But media (television, magazines, advertising, and especially pop stars) dictate our culture and set standards as to how the rest of us are supposed to act, and how we feel we are supposed to be living our lives.

Typical reactions to the performance:
Slut-shaming
Shaming the music
Claiming it's not music
Shaming Miley, herself ("What a hot mess")
Claiming, "This doesn't affect me..."

But it does...and here's how...

Because Miley's performance was so shocking, it affects the standards and 'ups the ante'.

How it affects me:

• It affects the way I feel I need to dress
• What is appropriate to wear? The standards are changing now that a 20 year old can parade around in a gold bikini and rip off a furry leotard.
• It affects the way I feel people see me
• Do I need to act like that? Do I need to gyrate against the man who is in charge, to fit in?
• It reinforces women performing instead of experiencing
• In her book Reviving Ophelia, Mary Pipher explains that in adolescence, girls realize that in order to get what they want out of society, in order to fit in and not make waves, they begin performing instead of experiencing. They find out what others want from them and put themselves on display, take care of others needs, put others before themselves, perform, and become what others want them to be. They perform instead of getting in touch with their own wants, needs, and desires. Instead of taking care of themselves and experiencing their lives. Women become a display, we neglect ourselves and our experience to perform and fit in in order to survive. With her performance, Miley upped the ante. Imagine what her experience of that was like, if she had one at all. This further perpetuates the notion of women needing to perform instead of experience. She was completely on display, taking care of the man's needs, neglecting her own experience. If she was striving for her own, positive, experience I doubt she would be running around stripping leotards off, sticking her tongue out at the audience, and creating such a ruckus in the headlines.
• It makes me feel like I have to compete with THAT for attention
• Miley upped the ante of what is acceptable. How am I supposed to behave now? I'm not a prude, but she was so publicly sexual, it makes me question intimacy, and how our society is viewing intimacy now. 

How it affects daughters:

• It affects the way they dress
• "No, you may not wear that gold bikini and be Miley Cyrus for Halloween"
• It affects the way they feel they have to act
• Will twerking be the new norm at middle school dances (did I use that word right?)
• Her fan club is aging with her, "Are we supposed to act like that now? OMG!"
•  She was wearing pigtails, dancing with teddy bears
• Which means she is still trying to act like a child. By behaving that way while adorned with a hairdo associated with younger girls, prancing around with teddy bears, she is sexualizing children and still trying to appeal to her younger crowd. She is terrifyingly reflecting child pornography. I think this was the most upsetting part of the performance for me, and I haven't seen it mentioned in any article anywhere.

How it affects sons:

• It confuses boys as to if that's what they're supposed to be attracted to
• It changes their expectations of women
• Adolescent boys are confused as to what sort of girls they should be giving attention to, what kind and how to give that attention. This performance gave a display of women that now boys may expect that sort of behavior from girls, that is confusing for men and women. 

That's it. I don't think anyone actually took her seriously as much as we were embarrassed for her, but it's acts like this that 'up the ante' and change the standards. We need to take this, and how the media affects us, seriously.