On Boundaries

Boundaries (n, pl): 
Something that indicates a border or a limit.

Simple as that. 

Emotional boundaries let us know where we end and another person begins. They allow us to have healthy relationships. When I inform the world of my boundaries, it shows what I will and will not stand for. Boundaries let me know what I am willing to protect and they let me know what I deserve. Boundaries are a set of attitudes and behaviors that let the world know what to expect from me. They are part of my identity and create strength and self-worth, a sense of individuality. 

In recovery I've had to rediscover and redefine my boundaries for my emotional and mental health. I set boundaries regarding my family and friends. I set boundaries regarding my employment. I set boundaries regarding recovery itself. 

Recovery Boundaries

• Recovery comes first, no matter what. Recovery comes before my family, my friends, my employment, my education. I know very well I cannot have any of these: relationships, education, employment, with a raging eating disorder. So, my recovery comes first. Always. No matter what.
• No weighing. No counting. No looking at labels. No "fat" talk. No dieting. Each of these eating disordered behaviors will only lead to more eating disordered behaviors, so the boundary I set is that I will not engage in any of them.

Family Boundaries

• I have some experiences that are mine that I do not need to share with my family. I find things to do where I will not be seeking my family's approval. Running, cycling, and skiing are all things that I can do by myself, all things I establish my personality away from my family. Where I can be myself and find myself as an individual. 
• Coming out of treatment I established that I ate at 8:30, 12:30, and 6:30, no matter what, with snacks in between. This was a boundary regarding eating that I set to keep myself from skipping meals.  

Relationship Boundaries

• You will not ignore me
• You will pay attention to me
• You will support me and my goals
• You will love me like I deserve to be loved
• You will appreciate the way I live my life

Setting boundaries takes a firm sense of self. It takes practice and a lot of energy. The first few times I stood up for myself I was terrified that people would be angry with me or not like me anymore. I discovered that other's respect for me grew when I vocalized my needs and stood up for myself.